As a Doula who holds space for all rites of passage and sacred times of transition, we need to put more into honouring and acknowledging new mothers. This is why I have added a full range of Mother Honouring Rituals to my offering. What are Mother Honouring Rituals, I hear you ask- bear with me while I explain.
Like many Doulas, I offer Postpartum Support packages that serve new mothers with practical, educational and physical support to help them get through the emotionally exhausting time after the birth of a new baby. While this is an incredible support to the new mother, I have felt for a while that there should be something more to mark this important transition.
How I felt as a new mother
In a time of reflection, I contemplated how I felt as a young, new mother. I remembered the full focus of friends and family was on the new baby. I felt almost redundant like my task was complete; the baby was here! Even though I had an amazingly perfect baby who I fell in love with instantly and a supportive partner and family, there was a small sense of anticlimax after giving birth. Suddenly, I was a mother but I felt no different in my mind. My body was feeling it after birth, but in my mind, I was still just me.
I felt ashamed of this on so many levels, but I thought it was just me and my slightly atypical way of thinking. I never discussed it with anyone and just waited patiently, hoping that the feeling of ‘Motherhood’ would come.
Putting on my Doula hat, I delved deeply into what would have been useful to me during the first few weeks of my life as a new mother. I considered the services I offer in my Doula packages and the way other cultures support new mothers, and that’s when I realised what was missing was RITUAL—ceremonially marking the right of passage.
How do other cultures do it?
In most traditional cultures around the world, the postpartum period or the fourth trimester is a sacred time of transition in a woman’s life. During this time, the new mother rests, heals and conserves her energy. She is nurtured with wisdom and soul comfort by her village of female family and friends. They support her with breastfeeding and baby care tips and advice, making sure she feels loved and cherished in this new phase of her life; the oxytocin flows freely. But these cultures offer the new mother something else that is invaluable – time. There is often the expectation that the new mother will not resume ‘normal life’ for at least 40 days postpartum.
The burden of expectations
In western societies, we are surrounded by expectations of getting ‘back to normal’ as quickly as possible after birth. There is an expectation on new mums to drop the weight, start the diet, exercise, exercise, workout, get your figure back. Do the shopping, keep the house clean, look after baby, don’t let it cry, don’t hold it too long, breastfeed exclusively, nurture your other children, don’t forget to love your partner, make sure they don’t feel left out – the list goes on!
A lot of these expectations place a massive burden on a new mother who’s just trying to come to terms with her new life and the delicate new life she has created. There is no ceremony, no ritual and no loving village of wise women to support her and gently guide her through this process. If she turns to social media for support (some call this the new village), she never knows what the response will be to her questions. Women aren’t always supportive of one another.
Letting go
So drawing deeply on the indigenous practices of many ancient cultures including Moroccan, Malaysian, Mexican, and the Navajo, I have developed my signature style of postpartum rituals and ceremonies to help establish a “letting go” of the old and a definite beginning of the new. All of these rituals and celebrations can be adjusted to suit any rite of passage or life transition, not just becoming a new mother.
All of my rituals can be performed individually or packaged together for a fantastic cleansing, nurturing and healing ceremonial welcome to Motherhood that will truly touch your mind body and soul. They can all be done with just myself present or with a gathering of the new mother’s wise women as a part of a Mother Blessing.
If you are called to a ceremony for yourself or would like to gift one to a new mother in your life, check out my offerings or drop me a line at jenine@graceandivy.com.au.
